Unrequited

*sigh* it's been a rough month for ol' Fenrir, and by the fact of the last month being January, a rough year so far. Incidents ranging from my ex popping back into my life, wanting to "talk", which all it did was make me loathe myself further to some creepy girl trying to go out with me to slake her obsessive emotional desires, it's been a very wearisome month.

Despite it all, I've been trying to get a girl myself, one who I've been fancying for many months now. She had it all, she was nerdy, had very similar tastes in movies and books, loved wolves, loved my drawings, and was rather attractive. So, for the last month, I've been working on improving my appearance to get her to notice me, since I'm not exactly attractive, so I worked extra hard on getting my hair really clean, teeth less repulsive (though that's tricky, due to them being crooked beyond belief), and so forth. I also tried a personality shift, working on turning myself from depressing to clever and charming...which probably failed, but she always seemed to cheer up whenever I came into her work to see her, which made me think that I had a shot.

So I'd been working on ways of getting her to realise that I was fond of her, so earlier this week when she saw me working on some badges, I said "I can do one for you for free", so I did and she loved it. Thinking I was getting somewhere, I started writing a clever poem and intended on giving it to her next time I saw her.

Well, I was invited to become a fan of where she worked on Facebook,so I did and found that she had a Facebook too. Now, I'm too shy to add her, but I clicked it to see if she was in a relationship, so if she was I'd just stop trying to get her to notice me. Well, she is, but not with a guy: she's a lesbian.

Now I have nothing against that, but it's kinda upsetting, since I've spent the last few months trying to get her to notice me and failed to realise that she was not interested in guys. Looking back, it's pretty obvious, I was just too stupid to notice.

It's also pretty upsetting knowing that the only people who've been attracted to me in over two years are either creepy girls looking for a quick fuck, or have nothing in common with me besides the fact that we're human beings, or guys looking for a quick fuck. All the girls I've been interested in myself have either been in a relationship already or, for the most part, thought I was gay, and didn't want to go out with me because they thought that I was lying about being straight to boost my "street cred".

Oh well.

So, stupid poem's crumpled up and thrown away. I kinda hoped I'd have someone to spend the over-rated Valentine's Day with, but oh well. There's always next year.